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“We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.” – J.K. Rowling

“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” – Plutarch


“When you think you have become a highly evolved soul……just go spend 3 days with your family of origin…….and see what you think, then.” – Ram Dass

I spent this Christmas in the frosty winter wonderland of Minnesota. I was reminded why it is an abstract concept to teach California kids about a song like “White Christmas”, while I made snow angels, built snow forts and snowmen, went skiing and ice skating, and wore snow pants, all without leaving the neighborhood where my brother lives.

I was also reminded of the unique power of music to bring people together. Read the rest of this entry »

I realized I never debriefed on my first-ever “Music Improvisation for Everyone” class last Saturday. It was the first time in a few years that I taught from a place of total relaxation and not needing any particular results to happen. Everything was already perfect before the class even started, because I had put myself out there to offer the class. How the participants responded, what they got out of it, how they felt about me – none of that was within my control, so none of it could affect my own experience unless I chose to allow it in. I just kept offering myself in an open way, knowing I was giving with love. I was sharing what I really truly loved, not expecting – and importantly, not needing – anyone else to love it like I do in order to feel “successful” or “good” at what I was doing.

When I received the positive feedback – and I did receive plenty of good juicy comments – I saw it as a bonus for THEM, not for me. I had already received the positive feedback of my own experience in the moment of delivering all of my offerings. I was already happy. Their comments augmented it but I was not attached to having them, so it didn’t change things so much. I had my own knowledge that I would be doing it again soon, because I wanted to, and nothing that happened on Saturday was going to change that.

Of course it’s wonderful to hear that the very first class was well-received! But it just doesn’t mean I’ll be striving to make future classes more “like” this first one. It’s a starting point. And I am practicing, building, growing, and becoming more curious as I go. There will be more offerings to come!

I’m trying to redevelop content for my new website. Since I’m in so much transition mentally right now, it’s been reflected in my process for the new direction of my business. I want to shift the website so that it reflects more where I am going than where I have been. Starting with my bio, under “About Me”, it is so interesting to see that ever since I started this path five years ago, my accomplishments are no longer easily listed in a list format, as had been the case for the prior twentysomething years. That’s interesting that things don’t read like a checklist anymore, because I haven’t been living my life that way. I’ve tried, don’t get me wrong. But it just hasn’t been that way. My life has guided me in a different direction. First I have to embrace that. Read the rest of this entry »

So the story of the past three days tells the roller coaster I ride when it comes to my work right now. I say “right now” because this is a snapshot, an observation of my current state, but one that I know is impermanent and also one that need not continue and is within my power to change. I know it’s time for some work because I am becoming a much better observer of myself and the effects that I feel in my body as a result of certain thinking in response to certain situations. This work right now is intended not to massage my painful story or to provide a “cure” for my highs and lows, but to face all of it with equal compassion, devotion, and kindness. Read the rest of this entry »

6 Irresistible Reasons to Stop Explaining Yourself

by Christine Kane

Rita’s parents didn’t approve of her choice to get a new kitten. Rita was expecting a long letter from them filled with judgments about her irresponsibility. As she waited for that letter, she was figuring out what she would write back.


Sylvia, one of my Platinum-level coaching clients, just bought her dream house. She avoided telling her father about it for fear that he would judge her, call her irresponsible and proceed to describe her imminent demise. She finally did tell her father. On our call, she told me that she was waiting for his reaction gearing up to explain her choice to him.


Now, there are some people who might read these stories and think, “Are you kiddin’ me? Who cares what anyone thinks about your houses or cats or anything??!”

If this is you, then read no further. This article is not for you.

I’m writing this for the “explainers” out there. And it doesn’t matter if you explain to parents, partners, or priests. You know who you are!

You’ve heard me talk about the benefits of going “Complaint-Free,” right? Well, today, we’re going to talk about going “Explaint-Free!”

And here are 6 irresistible reasons to do just that:

1 – Waiting Drains Your Energy.

When I’m coaching an explainer, I can see that much of her energy goes to the act of waiting.

She waits for judgment.

She waits for people to “get” her before she’ll take action.

She waits for people to approve of her choice.

She waits for criticism.

This literally drains her creative life force. Both women in the examples above were losing energy waiting for criticism.

Here’s your first big challenge: Give up the non-activity of waiting.

2 – We All Need to Learn to Trust Our Choices. Read the rest of this entry »

Fearful of Change Jar
I was ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY BLOWN AWAY by today. Let me start backwards, starting with the last thing I just experienced. I just saw Pidge Meade perform in her one-woman show, which she also wrote and produced, called 40 Pounds in 12 Weeks: A Love Story. It’s an autobiographical show framed around the summer after her freshman year at college, when her hard-core gymnastics coach Dad came to pick her up and drive her 800 miles from Wake Forest back home to Carbondale, Illinois. He discovers that she has put on more than the “Freshman Fifteen” and tells her that if she does not lose 40 pounds over the summer, he will not pay for her to return to college in the fall.

I can’t even begin to go into the rest of the details of the show, but I will try to describe to you how raw, how honest, how loving, how soulful an artist Pidge is for creating this show. I know her as a would-be “corporate Escapee” who has worked in a “sensible” job in a Fortune 500 company for the past decade or so, even though she has always had a love of acting. Her list of theater credits is long, so she has kept her passion alive through community theater opportunities, even though she has secretly always longed to be taken “seriously” as an actor. I met her as an attendee at a workshop on escaping corporate imprisonment to start your own entrepreneurial dream. She sat in the front row and I was in the back, but something about her story when I first heard it caught my attention. I ended up talking to Pidge several months later about taking the first real steps toward her dream of creating an authentic business for coaching women on weight loss, based on her own journey and beliefs about weight representing much more than just food and eating, and her desire to have courageous conversations about the underlying issues, not just the numbers on the scale. I’m happy to be hosting Pidge’s first weight-loss workshop for women in my studio space next January!

Seeing the show tonight just made me so glad to know Pidge. She captured ALL the emotions of love and pain and fear and confusion and guilt and power and the defenses we all construct in order to survive. And she made us LAUGH about them! She played every character in the show – herself at various ages from 7 to 19, her mother, her father, several of her friends, her church pastor, and the hilarious narrator of the show, a French chanteuse. There was not one person in the Dragon Theater in Palo Alto who didn’t recognize the emotions she was portraying. The conversations were so real, which is perhaps not surprising as they were peeled from her own memory. But what struck me was her ability to portray every single character with such depth and empathy and love, even in moments of profound pain.

The program for Pidge’s show tonight was a modest 8.5 by 11 sheet of light green pastel paper, folded in half. But the Creator’s Note said it all so eloquently:

This play is not about weight. Except when it is. Just as in real life, I believe that how much we weigh and what we look like doesn’t really matter. Except, of course, when it does. But more than weight, I think this is a play about love: how hard it can be to love each other, and ourselves; how we frequently hurt each other in the name of love; and how desperately we try to find love substitutes, when the real thing eludes us.

You see, I’ve been going through some of my own pain lately. I think the dream I had last night pretty much sums it up. The dominant image in that dream was an inky black sea, swirling with angry-looking waves, billowing endlessly, rising up to such frightening heights that I could see them crest over the glass ceiling in my house (not my real house – just in the dream). I watched them crash and swirl and crest without relenting. But I never got wet or pulled into them. I was inside, looking out. I was safe, even though I felt the anger of those waves. They looked like anger to me. I think my dream finally allowed me to see all my anger.


Read the rest of this entry »

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice —

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

“Mend my life!”

each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do–

determined to save

the only life that you could save.

Martha Beck ROCKS!

Today was our first class with Martha as moderator, and she really showed why she is who she is. I mean, she was calm, relaxed, funny, and a MASTER of coaching. The master part comes from all her own life experience – her own self-work, her clients, and her taking the time to reflect and process at each step of the way. She is extremely well-read, and we all know how prolific she is as a magazine, nonfiction book, and memoir writer.

Her way of being allowed her to expertly manage the flow of the phone call, answer questions at a natural pace, address the pre-written questions that had been submitted on the Forum, and utilize material from the class participants AS INSTRUCTION. She stayed with her intention to lead, and therefore every moment was an opportunity for her to lead a discussion in a direction that would benefit us as future coaches. I believe this is because she has lived it.

She even said there will be a section of the course entitled, “Nightmare clients”, in which she will share her experiences with certain types of clients and how to deal with them. I was most enlightened – and felt freed – by her discussion today about what she calls “whack-a-mole” clients, or clients with “No, but…” syndrome. These are people who will complain endlessly about problems in their lives, and then when the coach suggests a hypothesis, like, “Maybe it has something to do with your mother,” the client will deny it. If the coach listens some more, and offers a different hypothesis, like, “Maybe it has something to do with your father.” The client will deny that too, saying, “NO IT DOESN’T! My father is fine!” Maybe the coach will listen to more of the client’s stories, and then offer a third hypothesis, like, “Maybe it has something to do with your dog.” Of course the client dodges that one too, saying, “NO YOU FOOL! My dog has nothing to do with this!” Read the rest of this entry »

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Days I Reflected Here

August 2019
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