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What I’m wondering right now is exactly how I got to this point. I’m looking at myself from the outside in, wondering wow, why, how. I used to go to Bloomingdales (or somewhere at the mall) for stress relief. I called it “retail therapy”. I have a closetful of clothes, some of which I actually like, that represent all those times. These past two weeks I observe that on the days I wear what I feel good in right now – which is gaucho pants, a funky belt, and a cool long sleeved fitted T shirt that cost five times what my pants did – I teach better. I feel at home, and joyful.

Now I don’t attribute all of it to the clothes. But the clothes are a symbol of something. Of my courage to be comfortable, and believe that I will still be accepted. Of my conviction that I have something internal to offer that has nothing to do with my shoes, my suits, or anything I put on my body. That when I light up from the inside, it shines through anything on the surface.

So when I stopped by the Bloomingdales store this morning to pick up the promotional postcards they had printed for our upcoming holiday concert, I wasn’t prepared for the barrage of “marketing” stuff thrown at me by the Marketing Manager of the store. That’s her job. Her gift. Her thing to share. So I should expect her to be “all over it” and super gung ho about “potential partnerships” and the exciting launch of a new magazine for the Silicon Valley elite called, “Scene.” I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth just thinking about it. Read the rest of this entry »

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Buddha candle

Maybe I’ve been filling my head with too much New Age hoo-ha lately (I got four different emails in the same day about a new book by a medical intuitive called “Defy Gravity”). Maybe I’m speaking from the relative isolation of my current day-to-day life which is spent gathering evidence and reassurance that there are other people who think like me, believe in the same things I do, and will attract themselves to me in service of manifesting my wildest dreams for my life.

But I’m beginning to really believe that we do choose our life’s work, whether we know it or not. We really end up working on things that we think will bring us joy, whether they actually do or not. We conduct ourselves based on stories that serve and solidify our current beliefs, without even knowing what we actually believe.

Then, in a moment of awakening, if we’re lucky enough to find some connection to our hearts or our bodies, we might recognize a latent curiosity about the parts of ourselves we have yet to experience. There is a little tug, or a nudge, or eventually a push that comes to a shove, that will not allow us to ignore what we are curious about.

So the question becomes, “What are you curious about?Read the rest of this entry »

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Days I Reflected Here

August 2019
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