You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘courage’ tag.

I’ve written here before about “The Empty Elevator“. It’s what Martha Beck calls that period of time during your change cycle when you know you’ve really started to change. All of a sudden, the people who used to surround you and support your in your old ways of thinking, behaving, and reacting to life begin to disappear. Some of them decide they don’t approve of you anymore (which really means they’re not ready to look at the part of themselves you’ve left behind in your decision to change). Some of them you find you just don’t want to interact with anymore. They no longer bring you the energy you desire to live from.

It’s a tough place to be in. You need real strength and courage to feel totally OK with yourself as you make changes from within, and then, almost like an observer, you watch the external elements of your life begin to dissolve and change as well. Starting in January, I’ve watched almost every existing relationship in my life begin to transform. Some of these people went away without any comment. Others fought kicking and screaming. Still others – the ones who truly love me – have been alternately approaching and avoiding me in an attempt to understand me. It’s been interesting to watch how the people who are closest to me have tended to want to rescue me from myself. I’ve interpreted this to mean that they don’t believe in my own ability to form desires and go after them. In reality I have no idea what their intention is, other than to make things OK in their definition of the word “OK”.

I bought two Jennifer Dahl charms this weekend. Read the rest of this entry »


Fearful of Change Jar
I was ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY BLOWN AWAY by today. Let me start backwards, starting with the last thing I just experienced. I just saw Pidge Meade perform in her one-woman show, which she also wrote and produced, called 40 Pounds in 12 Weeks: A Love Story. It’s an autobiographical show framed around the summer after her freshman year at college, when her hard-core gymnastics coach Dad came to pick her up and drive her 800 miles from Wake Forest back home to Carbondale, Illinois. He discovers that she has put on more than the “Freshman Fifteen” and tells her that if she does not lose 40 pounds over the summer, he will not pay for her to return to college in the fall.

I can’t even begin to go into the rest of the details of the show, but I will try to describe to you how raw, how honest, how loving, how soulful an artist Pidge is for creating this show. I know her as a would-be “corporate Escapee” who has worked in a “sensible” job in a Fortune 500 company for the past decade or so, even though she has always had a love of acting. Her list of theater credits is long, so she has kept her passion alive through community theater opportunities, even though she has secretly always longed to be taken “seriously” as an actor. I met her as an attendee at a workshop on escaping corporate imprisonment to start your own entrepreneurial dream. She sat in the front row and I was in the back, but something about her story when I first heard it caught my attention. I ended up talking to Pidge several months later about taking the first real steps toward her dream of creating an authentic business for coaching women on weight loss, based on her own journey and beliefs about weight representing much more than just food and eating, and her desire to have courageous conversations about the underlying issues, not just the numbers on the scale. I’m happy to be hosting Pidge’s first weight-loss workshop for women in my studio space next January!

Seeing the show tonight just made me so glad to know Pidge. She captured ALL the emotions of love and pain and fear and confusion and guilt and power and the defenses we all construct in order to survive. And she made us LAUGH about them! She played every character in the show – herself at various ages from 7 to 19, her mother, her father, several of her friends, her church pastor, and the hilarious narrator of the show, a French chanteuse. There was not one person in the Dragon Theater in Palo Alto who didn’t recognize the emotions she was portraying. The conversations were so real, which is perhaps not surprising as they were peeled from her own memory. But what struck me was her ability to portray every single character with such depth and empathy and love, even in moments of profound pain.

The program for Pidge’s show tonight was a modest 8.5 by 11 sheet of light green pastel paper, folded in half. But the Creator’s Note said it all so eloquently:

This play is not about weight. Except when it is. Just as in real life, I believe that how much we weigh and what we look like doesn’t really matter. Except, of course, when it does. But more than weight, I think this is a play about love: how hard it can be to love each other, and ourselves; how we frequently hurt each other in the name of love; and how desperately we try to find love substitutes, when the real thing eludes us.

You see, I’ve been going through some of my own pain lately. I think the dream I had last night pretty much sums it up. The dominant image in that dream was an inky black sea, swirling with angry-looking waves, billowing endlessly, rising up to such frightening heights that I could see them crest over the glass ceiling in my house (not my real house – just in the dream). I watched them crash and swirl and crest without relenting. But I never got wet or pulled into them. I was inside, looking out. I was safe, even though I felt the anger of those waves. They looked like anger to me. I think my dream finally allowed me to see all my anger.


Read the rest of this entry »

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 66 other followers

Days I Reflected Here

August 2019
« Nov    

Looking Back

Tweets @drlisachu