“If you think you’re enlightened, go spend four days with your family of origin.” – Ram Dass

Lately I’ve been feeling pulled in many different directions. Before I blame this feeling on the imminent arrival of my parents to stay with me and observe my current life, I’m finally sitting down to write about (and perhaps discover with more clarity) why.

After a totally blissful July of following the music that was flowing from me – bringing with it new people, new places, new experiences, and new ways of being seen – I entered August with a renewed sense of awareness that I needed to be “working” on something. “My newfound sense of freedom and joy could not possibly be the truth of my life experience”, said an ancient part of my brain. “Life just can’t be that easy for you!”

I recognized those thoughts as ones I could choose to believe or not. I saw myself as an observer. I talked it out with my coaching buddy. She reminded me of how far I have indeed come on my path toward the Core of Peace I now know is my birthright and within me at all times.

And still, as I drive from one place to the next – from home to studio to the next place on my agenda – I can’t help but feel scattered. Like my energy is more diffuse than I would like it to be. I notice that my business card has four identities – musician, life coach, writer, and speaker. I now notice that this is symbolic of the fact that in my life I have never felt that it was enough for me to be just one thing – namely, me. I had compartments where I kept my identities and developed them diligently, but rarely did the boundaries of these containers spill into one another.

Or at least I thought.

Today was Day One of my second program with Christine Kane, the brilliant life coach for women and creative entrepreneurs. She herself is a singer/songwriter and speaks so clearly and eloquently about her early years of depression, bulimia, poverty, and struggle, before she turned her life around and created a mid-six-figure coaching business along with a successful recording career.

She seems to be “doing it all”. But maybe that’s not the message I need to be hearing from her story. Maybe the message is that she finally got her priorities straight. She finally decided what was important to her. She finally stopped running after other people’s dreams and expectations, and away from fear and scarcity. She finally got grounded and centered and focused on the only energy she can possibly contain – her own.

I’m feeling ready for this next step in upleveling my life and my business. I am ready for my business to serve my soul, for my gifts to reach the right people who will benefit from them, for my daily life to invigorate me and provide me with a personal context and purpose for my work in the world.

I am not yet quite ready to decide which of these balls I’m juggling will have to be let go, or delegated, or modified in order to create space for what needs to be born.

If there’s one thing I keep seeing and learning about creativity, it’s that it requires space. The ingredient missing from most people’s lives is not some special talent (we all have something), not some secret passion (we all have one, no matter how deeply buried), not some burning desire (we all have this too). It’s SPACE.

The greatest discipline I practice each day is being conscious about NOT being on the internet, NOT clicking around mindlessly in Facebook, NOT cleaning out my email inbox for the better part of half a day, NOT launching into tasks before I reflect on where I want my mindset to be focused first.

In other words, it takes more conscious effort to eliminate unnecessary things from my “To Do” list than to “get stuff done”. Our world is now designed to fill up our time by default and fill it up without limits. It takes a new kind of engagement and internal connectedness to be truly creative in this environment. The upside of all this connectivity is that the opportunities for spreading your work – your energy, your gifts – around the planet quickly and cheaply are multiplying by the moment.

As I think about how I want to engage and with whom, I want to get to know this feeling of being pulled apart. My hunch is I’m not the only one experiencing this, and that the road to wholeness is a path we would love to travel together.

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